I know what you’re thinking! “How can I not take it personally when my wife/husband wants a divorce?” or “How can I not take it personally when I just got fired?” or “How can I not take it personally when my sister won’t even talk to me?“.
I admit it’s tough. It is not, however, personal.
This is the 2nd Agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz’s brilliant Toltec work, The Four Agreements. He goes on to state:
“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.
Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds … taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators … They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up.
… But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in the middle of hell. Immunity in the middle of hell is the gift of this agreement.“
Warriors, don’t think for a minute that you can read this text, snap your fingers and stop taking everything personally. I’ve been studying these teachings for a while, and I still struggle – sometimes on a daily basis. But if you can begin the process of thinking outside of the voices and opinions in your own head, you’ll be well on your way.
Just consider the possibility that nothing that happens around you or to you is personal. I don’t recall where I heard it, but I have always remembered the saying:
“Just because it rains doesn’t mean that God intended for you personally to get wet. He was just watering the flowers!”
We are all brainwashed early on to over-think life! The voices in our heads literally never shut the hell up! Our own opinions bombard us constantly. And you know what?
Most of the time our opinions are wrong!
We don’t know why other people do and say what they do. We can’t. We haven’t lived their life experiences. We may think we know where they’re coming from, but in truth, we don’t. We don’t know what their own point of attraction in life is.
So what do we do?
As a Warrior Spirit, I don’t advocate ever allowing anyone to physically, emotionally or spiritually abuse you. Consider though (if the situation isn’t dangerous) what would happen if you didn’t take it personally. How would you react? How would you feel? What would you do or say differently? What would Love do in your situation?
What I have also come to understand is that sometimes all we can do is bless them and walk away. If someone decisively wants to cut you off or go another direction, LET THEM! Bless them and let them go!
Will it break your heart? Maybe. It did mine. It broke my heart, but it didn’t kill me. I’m still standing – strong, worthy, humble, and sharing everything I can.
Will it drop you to your knees? Maybe. You’ll get up again. I promise. I have.
Will it change you? Absolutely! And you get to choose whether or not you change for the better. No one else gets to choose for you. How cool is that?
Will you ever fully understand what happened to make them choose to walk away? Nope. It doesn’t matter. Trust me on this one. When you fully make peace with it, understanding every single piece of the puzzle doesn’t matter.
Bless them and let them go. Then bless yourself and let it go. You’re probably going to need to let it go a lot! And I mean a lot. Sometimes 100s of times a day for maybe weeks or months. You’ll get there. I know you will!
It’s not personal. No one is doing anything to you. My ex-husband used to say, “God hates me“. Maybe his God hated him, but my God doesn’t hate anyone. (Can you imagine living your life with your spiritual beliefs tied up with a bow that believes that God hates you? EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!)
God isn’t against you. God and all the forces of the infinite Universe are conspiring on your behalf for your good always. As a friend of mine says, “You are a Victor not a Victim!”
Life is not happening to you. It is happening FOR you. Spend some time considering that nothing that happens in your life is personal, and that life is happening just perfectly to conspire to move you forward toward your dreams.
I promise you, if you do, you’re life will change dramatically. But don’t take my word for it. Experiment with it for the next 30 days. Think about this every morning, and set an intention to look for the ways in which the Universe is conspiring on your behalf.
Read the book – it’s so full of gold!