I happened to glance at my calendar today and realized that it was only six months ago, to the day, that I found out that my husband had a profile on an online dating site. That was the day my marriage ended for all practical purposes, and it feels like light years ago instead of only a few, short months.
My life is so different now.
Someone said something to me last week about not wanting to add to my pain by talking about the way my marriage ended. It startled me a little, and I stopped to really think about whether or not I am truly still in pain.
Most assuredly, there are moments when I am moved to tears of sadness. Of course, I hear a song or notice a certain date on the calendar and I’m sad for a bit. Time will take care of those things for me.
But pain? No, there’s no longer pain. There’s no longer rage. There’s no longer even anger. I feel no remorse, no regret, and no sense that anything I could have done would have altered the fact that my marriage to Walkaway Bob is over.
What’s so incredible is the peace I feel. Real, honest to God, peace. Deep down in my soul. It’s really pretty amazing that I feel completely at peace after only six months.
So, just how is it that I came to this state of Peace in such a short time?
I’ve learned some things about Walkaway Bob and his past relationships that have indeed set me free, and I will be forever grateful for that information. I’ve held the belief for a while now that the information I seek always flows easily to me AND that I recognize it as such when it comes to me – so my belief system about information has helped me through this.
My Belief System and my Warrior Spirit have supported me through this journey. If you believe, like I do, that everything happens in life FOR us rather than TO us then any situation can be turned to our benefit. There have been times when I have been tempted to put on a victim’s coat and wear it, but I managed to shed that coat quickly. I am not a victim of anything. I have constantly reminded myself that life doesn’t happen to me – instead I happen to life.
My Warrior Spirit was in full bloom last April when I told my husband I would no longer live in a relationship that wasn’t satisfying to me (although I must admit I didn’t exactly use those words!). I truly believe my Warrior Spirit is my Guiding Light.
I have the most amazing, loving, beautiful people in my life who have supported me and loved me through this process. It’s a wonderful Cast of Characters, and I have never felt more blessed in my life than I have these last few months because of them.
Some folks have had leading roles while others have contributed in supporting roles. I leaned on them, cried on them (sometimes literally – thank you, Spann!), played with them, listened to them, and, let them hold my hands when I was shaky.
I have been “adopted” by the loveliest couple. They are the previous owners of my new farm, and they literally “adopted” me the first day we met. They have told me, and given me notes expressing, that I am a “blessing” in their lives, and how happy they are that I now own their former home. Let me tell you – when another human being tells you that you are a blessing in their life, well, that is just the best thing that can ever happen to you!
And, I’ve held true to my two favorite mottos for living:
I will go anywhere as long as it’s forward.
If it’s not a Hell Yes, it’s a Hell No.
Buying my farm was a Hell Yes. Immediately I knew it was to be my home. It definitely feels like “moving forward” to me.
Sharing my story, my feelings, and my life has been a Hell Yes. From the emails and calls I have received, I know that sharing my story has been of benefit to others. For that, I am eternally grateful.
So, I wanted to share my thoughts today for a couple of reasons.
First and foremost, if you’re lost and/or struggling with what’s happening in your life right now, you gotta know that this too shall pass. It’s temporary. Everything is temporary – even physical life itself.
Secondly, several people have said to me, “Wow, you’re really strong” as if my strength has been the core of my coping mechanism for this chapter in my life. It has had nothing to do with strength per se. I am strong in my beliefs and in my faith in the Universe. I am strong in my knowing of the way life works. And now I am strong in the knowing that my Support System is with me always.
But my strength is not the core of my coping mechanism. The core of my coping mechanism is one thing and one thing only:
My belief that Thoughts Become Things.
Because I always believe my life turns out well for me, it does. Because I believe that the Universe conspires on my behalf, it does. Because I believe – without a shadow of a doubt – that I am blessed, then I am.
For me, it always comes down to that: Thoughts Become Things. I can wander off into the weeds briefly (and I do), but I always come back. I always pick myself up, dust myself off and move on.
I believe I am blessed.
And so it is.