One of the basic truths of life is that everything is temporary. Even physical life itself. So it stands to reason that every situation or circumstance is also always temporary.
One year ago today, I confronted Walkaway Bob about his online dating site profile which I had found a few days before. And such was the beginning of the end of our relationship and our marriage.
Today, he is simply a stranger I used to know. Truly, that is how I feel whenever I see him or communicate with him. I wish him well. Or as the joke goes: “Have a nice life … far, far away from me.” 🙂
What a difference a year makes!
I have tried to put words to the feeling of the moment when I discovered his betrayal last April. Needless to say, I have not succeeded in that endeavor. There are just no words or sentences or paragraphs that adequately describe that feeling.
Thank goodness, that such feelings (and other deep feelings) are temporary. Otherwise, we would each surely go mad.
In my career as a litigation paralegal, I have advocated that anyone going through a legal separation from their spouse should have a “free year” where they can do or say anything they want as long as they do not physically harm another. This year long separation period is insanity. It’s time to acknowledge it as such.
The processing of pain and sadness is different for each person. Acting out pain and hurt are different. The levels of animosity and bitterness are different. Yet there is a baseline of deep mood swings and temporary insanity.
This enforced year of separation is 12 months of craziness that our friends & acquaintances, who haven’t been through it, don’t understand. Yes, anyone going through a year’s separation is crazy. There I said it. Now it’s out in the open. At some point, sanity will indeed return and hopefully there will only be laughter when looking back at the year.
I feel very fortunate to have come so far in such a short period of time. At the outset, I understood that the pain and anger were temporary. I also knew I would survive and thrive. My firm belief that my situation would get better has been a key factor.
Life is a progression. When you know better, you do better. Situations arise and things happen that are either blessings or events that move us toward blessings. In the middle of these events, however, it is difficult to remember that. If you take nothing else away from my blog, take this:
Everything is temporary. You never fail because you are never done. There is always tomorrow. When you return to non-physical (die), your soul lives on. Your soul is eternal. You never, ever fail because your soul is never done.
Seasons change. You may be in a season of pain. Like me, you may have been abandoned or betrayed by someone you loved. You may be experiencing challenging times in your family or your relationship. It will pass. One of the best things my mother ever taught me is “this too shall pass”. She was right. This will pass.
Your season will change. Just hold on.
You get to choose each and every moment of your life how the circumstances of your life affect you. No one else chooses for you. No one else manipulates puppet strings that make you dance.
You and you alone are responsible. If you believe nothing else, believe that you can choose your way to a better life. At each moment when you have a choice, choose to rise. Choose to be honest and truthful – at least with yourself. Choose to stay open and to love. Choose to not allow your hurt and pain to make you bitter.
Take baby steps if you have to. When you find yourself lashing out or being bitter, it’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up. Take a deep breath and choose to do it differently next time. Just keep walking on faith that you will thrive. Somehow, someway you will.
Cultivate your Warrior Spirit in whatever fashion that takes for you. Be relentless in pursuit of your own health, well-being and happiness. Remember, there is no failure – there are only setbacks along the way. Let each setback make you stronger and more determined. You got this.
The sun doesn’t shine on the same horse’s back all the time. If it’s not shining on yours now, walk on faith and soon it will. I promise.