The Benefits of Crappy Situations

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It doesn’t matter what your “crappy situation” is, everyone finds themselves swirling in the bottom of the toilet bowl on occasion.  It happens more than once in every lifetime.  Regardless of your individual circumstances, crappy situations will find you.  Some will be milder than others.  Some will barely register on your Richter Scale.  Some will drop you to your knees.  One or two may even threaten your very existence.

First things first – Whatever it is that you define as your current “crappy situation”, it sucks.  Really.  Truly.  Sucks.  It is what it is and it sucks.  It’s okay for you to cry, scream, overeat, sleep all day, whatever.  For a few moments in time.  There were days I couldn’t stop crying.  There was a particulary bad week last Summer, where I literally sobbed every day.

From where you now, just make the best of it today.  You can’t wave a Magic Wand or twitch your nose and completely change your circumstances.  You can make the best of it today.

A friend of mine said: “You have to make the best of a crap(py) situation in order to benefit from the crap“.  I love that!

How can crappy situations benefit you?

You have to realize that life happens FOR you, not TO you.  Everything that happens in your life is FOR your benefit.  It’s for your growth.  It’s for your happiness.  It’s for your expansion as a human being.  That’s some kind of unwritten natural law that works whether you believe it or not.  I will say that it’s easier for you if you believe that life happens for your benefit, but if you don’t, that’s on you.

The contrast between where you are and what you want is so essential and vital to our experiences as human beings.  The contrast is the juice that keeps life flowing.  Contrast moves us from one place to the next.

How is being in a crappy situation for anyone’s benefit?  If life happens FOR you then there must be benefit in crappy situations.

This is actually pretty cool.  You’re going to really like it if you can wrap your head around it.  So, what happens when you find yourself in a crappy situation?  You want more.  You desire more.  You literally ache for well-being or happiness or abundance.

True?

While you’re in this crappy situation, you want something better for yourself (and perhaps your loved ones or on a global scale, for the world).  Great!  Now you’re in a place where you can begin to shift your focus TOWARD what you do want (well-being, happiness, abundance, etc.), and AWAY from what you don’t want (the crappy situation).

This is important because the only way we move forward is by walking toward what we want – even if it’s just baby steps.

The best way I know to flesh this out is by using my own example:

The biggest “crappy situation” behind this blog is the breakup of my marriage with Walkaway Bob I admit that for a while I was little crazy – in pain, devastated, sad.   While I was in the midst of that crappy situation, all I wanted was for the pain to stop. Because of the circumstances (his lying and cheating), our relationship was over.  That was never in doubt.  Loyalty and trust are simply fundamental to my psyche.

When I began to breathe again, I began to examine what I really wanted in light of the wisdom I gained from that relationship.  In the aftermath of the craziness of the last two years of my life, I now have so much more desire and clarity regarding the essence of the relationships that I want.

Even with my friends and acquaintances.  It’s really interesting to me how much my standards and boundaries have changed.

So what really ended for me?  Was it the dream of having a happy, fulfilled marriage?  Was it my desire to have a companion who makes me laugh and brings out the best in me?  Did my idea of what a happy relationship encompasses change?

NO!  All that changed was that my relationship desires no longer included Walkaway BobThat’s all. 

The essence of what I always wanted never changed – it became more clear and more focused, but the essence never changed.  What looked like the end of my dream was actually only the expansion of my dream.  I want so much more now than what I had!

The benefits of that crappy situation, for me, are:

  • Clarity – I am much more focused on the essence of what I want.  There’s nothing like a divorce to stop someone from sleepwalking through life!  There is so much more added to what I want now.
  • Self-Awareness –  I realized that I have a habit of giving up my own identity & what’s important to me to attempt to make someone else happy.  I learned unequivocally that this behavior never works.  I know so much more about myself now.  I know so much more about what I want.
  • Curiousity – I am so much more interested in life now.  I’m more interested in who others are BEFORE I let them into my Inner Circle.  (I will admit this was a process and there were a few missteps along the way.  Change is messy!)
  • Excitement – I am always moving forward.  I know that with every fibre of my being.  I’m so excited for what is coming in my life.  It’s so lovely to be in a place where life feeds me.  So nice to not have someone sucking the life out of me with his misery.

I’m standing in a different place.  A totally different place.  Life doesn’t stand still.  Life always becomes more.

Thank goodness not everything in life is positive because, if it were, there could be no evolution.”  If you’re not growing, you’re dead.  You may be physically alive, but otherwise, you’re dead.

And now:

As soon as you can, turn your attention to what you want and away from what you don’t want.  It takes time.  For some, it takes a lot of time.  It’s okay.  Baby steps.  Take baby steps toward what you want.  Some days, it’s one step forward & two steps back.  It’s okay.  Just. Keep. Moving. Forward.

You have to get up from the table when what you want is no longer being served.  Straighten your crown.  Get back in your life.  Get going.  You cannot stay in the “what-is-ness” of your situation.  Get yourself unstuck.  Examine how this crappy situation has caused you to ask for more from life.  Embrace the clarity.

Get on with your life!  It’s the only one you have!  

To further explore this topic, watch this video from my friend, Esther Hicks.

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