May 25, 2017: The day any chance for success (that my marriage to Walkaway Bob had) died.
As soon as I woke up today and realized it’s May 25, 2018, that fateful day a year ago has been on my mind. Not because I would like to go back to that day and do anything differently. Not because I wish the events of that day had never happened. Not because there is any doubt in my mind about the demise of my marriage being for my benefit.
Nope. None of those reasons.
This year anniversary is on my mind because I believe anyone who comes out of the first year after a painful BreakUp deserves some kind of tangible talisman to mark the anniversary. You know, like the chips folks get every year from AA.
Wow! What a great idea! So I looked up those chips to see if I could buy myself one to carry with me for the next year, and the COOLEST thing is it reads “To Thine Own Self Be True“!
I LOVE THAT!
So now I’m excited. Just really excited! It feels like I passed some kind of major milestone test with flying colors.
To Thine Own Self Be True.
I was. There was/is no way in hell I was living in a relationship that was less than I desired. The particular facts don’t matter. I stood up and shouted to the world:
“I WANT MORE!”
Maybe it turns out that a lot of what happens in our lives comes from not settling. Just every day, drawing a line in the sand and not settling for less. Don’t settle for the crappy relationships, the crappy jobs, the crappy thoughts, the crappy beliefs, etc. Just don’t settle.
I’ve been learning a lot lately about someone I have greatly admired for most of my life. He definitely never settled for less. He changed the world by using his voice every chance he had to educate and influence others. What I realize now is that there were a lot of people during his lifetime who criticized and ridiculed him for being who he was.
Guess what? I’ve been criticized too. Mostly the emails and comments I’ve gotten over the last year have been positive, but I’ve been criticized a few times. I admit that some of the comments stung a little. When that happened, I did what I always do – consider whether or not the comment had any validity before dismissing it outright. If it did, I took it to heart. If it didn’t, I said, “Bless your heart” silently and let it go as best I could.
I’ve earned my Chip. There were days in this last year that were the darkest times of my life. There were moments I questioned my very sanity. There were moments I thought the tears would never stop. And, there were moments I was scared. Terrified actually.
But there was never a moment that I believed the marriage/relationship was viable and could have survived.
I stand here today – One Year Chip in hand – so proud of myself. And, I’ve learned an invaluable lesson. I will never settle for anything less than my own standards. No one else’s standards matter. Ever.