Right now, you believe that the worst thing that has happened to you is that someone has destroyed your ability to trust other human beings. You believe that you will never trust anyone again. You’re right in that your ability to trust others has been damaged. Perhaps it has been severely damaged.
But that’s not the worst thing your Breakup has done to you.
Not by a longshot.
No, the worst thing that has happened to you is that someone has destroyed your ability to trust yourself. They annihilated your faith in trusting your own judgment. That is far worse than damaging your ability to trust others.
Your ability to trust others is not crucial to get along in this world. It’s helpful, but it’s not crucial. But your ability to trust yourself? That is bedrock, foundationally necessary.
If you trust yourself, then you’re fine no matter what anyone else throws at you. That means if someone lies to you, you trust yourself to handle it. If someone betrays you, you trust yourself to handle it.
Shit happens. Nasty, ugly, painful, shattering shit happens. If you allow someone else to rob you of your ability to trust yourself and your judgment, then it will eat you alive until you’re dead inside.
I admit that I haven’t necessarily ever been someone who is “street smart” about other people & their motives. I open up too quickly and let people into my life before they have earned it. I’ve always been that way. Perhaps that’s how you are – particularly if you’re an Empath or a Highly Sensitive Person. We simply bond more easily with strangers and strangers tend to reel us in quickly.
I’m good with that aspect of my personality, but I am trying to be a little more aware. I do recognize that not everyone who hugs me and asks me how I’m doing is my friend or has my best interests at heart.
But trusting myself has me know that whatever anyone else dishes out, I can take it and continue to thrive. Call it faith if you like.
Even at my lowest, I have always had faith in myself. When faced with the fact that my decisions and my choices landed me in a marriage with an abusive alcoholic who fractured my cheekbone, I had faith in myself. When faced with the fact that my decisions and my choices landed me in a marriage with a Narcissistic Sociopath who married me for money, I had faith in myself.
Even though there came a time in my life when I had to divorce my own mother because of her toxicity, I had faith in myself. I knew I would survive and thrive.
That’s the Warrior in me. I’ve always had that belligerent (“don’t fuck with me”) side to my personality. There have been times it has been hidden under some layers, but it’s always been there.
A Warrior Spirit is not difficult to cultivate. The bedrock of it, though, is that faith and trust in yourself. You have to know that you can handle whatever happens.
My father’s death in July took me to my knees (on top of everything else that has happened in my life over the last five years). I went down. For two months, I did next to nothing. I was exhausted. I was numb. I was grief stricken. Never in my life have I ever been through a time like that. It got so bad that my doctor even put me on Zoloft (I quit taking it when I realized it wasn’t helping).
Even at this lowest point in my life, I knew in my soul that it was temporary. I knew it would pass and I would get up. I just knew.
How did I know?
I knew because my track record of surviving is 100%. I have survived 100% of the 22,155 days of my life so far.
Think about it.
Don’t let anyone else – no matter who they are in your life – destroy your faith and trust in yourself. Ever. Don’t give that power to another human being. They don’t deserve it.